That's How it's Done

You sighed. Again. There was really nothing left to do. Not even time would soften you. Not even death, not even life.

I guess it's alrite. For you, to live in such a lie. I'm sorry, I just can't. I refuse.

And you looked so calm today at the funeral. Just so ... peaceful. I didn't dare to break your lightness. It felt wrong. Inside, it ached, watching you like that, standing next to the window, looking so ... taking it with such an ease.

I loved you, you know i did with every single molecule of my body, with the very last nerve in my heart. But we can't afford this, not any more. I can't. I won't be able to hold it inside of me for another day. It would ripp out my stomach, my lungs burning from the inside-out.

Other time, everything would fall right into place, and at least I would have something left to fight for, though you never wanted to fight anymore. This time I am giving up. Today made it. You finished us.

This isn't something I can fix, nor you. We had time enough and we wasted it. We had time in our hands, and you left it go away.

I can't really force my heart to see the end. But I can pretend it's over. I can close my eyes, my mouth, my soul. I won't let anyone else in, not like I did with you. I will hold on to my chest so tight so it doesn't tear apart. I'll stay up, until I've nothing left. I'll be strong, stronger than you. And I'll get over you. And then, when you see me out there, happy and recovered, you'll sigh like you always do and just walk away. I'll know you were watching, but I won't go after you, 'cuz you chose this.

I'm just playing the rules you wrote down.